The Consequence of Silence

Have you ever had someone in your life go mute on you for days only to let you know that they were rethinking your entire relationship? It happened to me recently, and to say it caught me off guard would be a colossal understatement. I was being dropped, did not know why, and it was all happening over text. With each back and forth, we were spiraling out of control towards a disastrous landing so severe it was evident that nothing would remain on this trajectory. I grappled between many emotions, the most intense being hurt and anger. Hurt because friendships should be able to withstand hurdles without crashing, and this was without a doubt heading there. Anger because this person should have been by my side, helping me through an already tough situation, but was instead calling it quits on everything we had. How could I not feel wholly rejected? For my already-sensitive temperament, this was a lot to handle. By now, my sleep had abandoned me, leaving behind a racing mind that went into fight-or-flight mode. Overthinking at its best, I lay awake working for an answer to this unsolvable puzzle as the elasticity of time stretched hours into the day. 

After a week of no contact, it was apparent that what we had before was dead. But how could it have? As someone who cannot handle confrontations or phone calls, what I did next surprised even myself. Walking away from situations instead of dealing with them head-on and texting instead of making phone calls were the most comfortable solutions. Yet I found myself phone in hand, dialing a number and making a call. With each ring, my mind told me to press the little red circle while I silently prayed for voicemail so that I could hang up. Once, then twice, then the third ring. Hey, at least I had tried. Then a voice. An in-real-time human-voice hello.

We all hurt someone we love at one point or another in our lives, that is just how it is. However, it could be as simple as a misunderstanding exponentially blown up to bring about all the little things that went awry, overlooking the multitude of positives that had taken place before. Don’t get me wrong, I have had my share of toxic relationships and have had to walk away after giving more than I should have, but that is not the norm. Many times, all it takes to fix a relationship teetering on the edge of destruction is to make one call—regardless of how dreadful—to hash things out and listen to the other person’s story. Yes, the call will be awkward, it most certainly will be painful, but after all is said and done, if it is a genuine relationship meant to last, and if both parties have put forth their raw, emotional, and vulnerable selves, I can guarantee that all of it will have been worth it in the end.

Naturally, every relationship is a give and take. We will have to love and trust that we are loved in return; this takes courage. It is easy to assume the worst in someone, especially after things go wrong, but the truth is that we are all doing our best, and knowing this is the key to letting hard feelings go. Everyone needs some level of silence to process life and formulate thoughts. But knowing when to not go silent is just as important, if not more. Some silences have catastrophic consequences, being the silence of doom, not that of peace.

So before tossing out someone meaningful from your life, pause and ask yourself one question: have you done your part to see this all the way through? If yes, then let it be and know that you tried. If not, then it is never too late to connect and make that call. Deep down inside, we are all craving to be understood and accepted. Listen to the other person’s perspective and put yourself in their place. Now step back and process. Many times, a person stuck in a misunderstood relationship is just a hurting soul waiting to be loved again. Like seashells in the ocean, the constant movement of water and sand will leave things either cleansed or broken. There are ways to withstand harsh conditions and come out purified without being shattered.