Married at 17
Parent’s signature required. Enough said.
Marriage is not all flowers and candles, triple-tiered cakes and diamond rings, it most certainly has NOTHING to do with the dress that took months, sometimes years, to design and bring to life. It is a commitment, sure to your spouse also, but mostly to yourself. It is about committing to find a positive outlook in every situation, finding good in those around, and always taking care of yourself first no matter what the situation is. Like they tell us on the plane, take care of yourself before taking care of others, because if you go to save another before putting on your own oxygen mask, you could very well die, leaving your loved ones alone and on their own. What good would that do?
There are many things I wish I had known back when I needed help to be better equipped for the big day, the big change, the new life, the new role. If I could go back now and sit that girl down to give her a reality check, this is what I would say.
It’s Not a Fairytale
Thanks, Disney, for all the drama…and the trauma. Why do the orphaned girls always get married to princes? And WHY do these movies always kill off parents? (That’s a whole different discussion.)
There’s No Prince Charming
Let’s get something straight. Prince Charming is doing nothing good for all the men in the world. If young girls’ expectations are set so high in the sky at such impressionable ages based off of their childhood movies, nothing that their husbands do will ever come close.
Emotions Are Real
There is nothing wrong with crying. Let it out, let it all out. And if your husband thinks it’s too much, then find someone else whose shoulder is stronger. Your father, mother, sister, cousin, friend, or in some cases a brother. Because surely there is someone out there who not only understands you, but more than anything, will help you feel the love you need at that very moment.
Self-Care is Vital
Refreshing baths, a favorite book, a light-hearted romcom, whatever it is that makes you feel better is self-care. If it means taking a day for yourself just to feel alive, do it. It will allow you to come back as a stronger and better person, not depleted and unable to give. Because at the end of it all, women are constantly giving, and we cannot give anything if our tanks are empty.
Forgive Him
He will mess up. Sometimes often. Mostly a lot. Think of your brother married and ask yourself how he would handle situations. Most likely, similar to your husband. Let’s face it, men are clueless most of the time. Cutting them slack and calling up a friend is all it takes to move past the multitude of petty issues that WILL arise from living together. At the end of the day, before closing your eyes and starting another day, forgive him. Because nothing good will come from waking up on a brand new day to start the day angry from the previous night.
Go For a Morning Walk—Alone
Clear your head, plan the day, inhale fresh air. It will move your soul and make you feel alive. There’s really no better feeling in the world.
Serve Cereal For Dinner
Not everyday, of course, but once in a while, when you don’t have it in you to even open the freezer to bake a frozen pizza pie, serve cereal for dinner. It’s OK.
Have a Gratitude Journal
Write weekly until it’s a habit, then aim for daily entries. Because we are emotional beings and in the heat of anger will forget the good things. A gratitude journal serves two purposes: the first is to focus on the good that happens around you, the second for going back to read the good when you forget.
Drink Water, Lots of It
Water removes toxins from your body, clears up skin, and will give you a general feeling of well-being, doing wonders on your mood. Like a plant, water yourself daily.
Most Importantly Pray and Have Faith
God knows your story. He is always there. Wake up in the middle of the night, when there are no distractions, get down on the floor and pour your heart out. He is always listening and prayers do get answered. Maybe not right away, but they will. Have faith.
